Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Sex in the backyard? Check.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
