In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
