That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
