NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
