My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My brain says no but my pants say off.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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