How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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