My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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