just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
