I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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