Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
