so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
