i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
