I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
