Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
someone owes me an orgasm
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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