evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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