I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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