last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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