turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
