There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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