I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
