what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
