Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
There's always time for handjobs
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
