I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
