Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
