so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
