Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
