she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize