The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I didn't notice because vodka
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
