I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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