So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
