A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
