i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
