He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
my nose is crying tears of wow.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
