There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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