Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Randomize
