You don't have asthma, your pregnant
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my being single is dangerous.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
