WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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