I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
