Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
how does that bad decision feel?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
