Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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