he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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