I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
