she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
