I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
