shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
