Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
