I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
