It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
