it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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