theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Someone shattered a urinal.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
