I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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