Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she looked like the before picture.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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