Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
