I'm really into asian looking animals
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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