and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
