she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
