Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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