Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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