Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
