Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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