I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
