I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
