Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
