I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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