Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
