sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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