We're like a lot better than the average bears
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
