We're like a lot better than the average bears
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
