hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
