Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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