Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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