You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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