I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
