remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
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